TIN #004 - How To Make Networking Feel Good

One word will get rid of the "icky" awkwardness that comes with connecting.

Hey 👋 - Greg here.

Happy Saturday morning to all of you who are taking smalls step to grow your network.

Here's one tip on how to make networking “feel” less awkward.

Today's issue takes about 3 minutes to read.

Why is networking awkward?

When I ask people why they aren't networking, they say it feels awkward.

They feel like they’re taking advantage of people because they’re asking for a favor.

Often, when people are networking, they’re asking someone to help them find a job.

They see themselves asking people to give their resume to the person making the hiring decision.

They’re hesitant to ask for help because they put themselves in the other person’s shoes. They know if someone was asking for their help, they would feel uncomfortable about the ask.

When someone asks us to do something for them, it can often feel like we’re doing all the work for them.

We resent being asked to do one more thing.

We feel taken advantage of.

We find excuses not to help them.

When we need help, we remember that feeling, and we don't want to saddle people with our problems.

One word will help you get rid of the feeling of taking advantage of people.

GIVE

When someone asks you for help, who are you more likely to help?

Someone who has helped you in the past or someone who hasn't?

The Principle of Reciprocity is the first of six principles discussed in Robert Cialdini's book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion.¹

Cialdini summarizes this principle by saying: "Simply put, people are obliged to give back to others the form of a behavior, gift, or service that they have received first."

He then goes on to explain experiments in restaurants where some customers were given a small gift—a fortune cookie or a mint—with their bill.

Those who were given the gift gave higher tips than those who were not given the gift.

Cialdini explains, “The key to using the Principle of Reciprocity is to be the first to give and to ensure that what you give is personalized and unexpected."

If you lead with giving, people will want to reciprocate and give back to you.

You don't even have to ask for help.

People will ask you what they can do to help you.

What can you give?

You can give AIR

• Advice

• Introductions

• Recommendations

I got this acronym from Hannah Morgan at Career Sherpa, and I love how it summarizes what we can give to others when we network.

Advice: Share the knowledge you have even if you think everyone already knows it.

You'll be surprised how often you give your connection something of value when you share the nuggets of your personal wisdom.

Introductions: In some cases, your recommendation may be another person your connection should meet.

In this situation, you can introduce your connection to the other person you know. This allows your connection to grow his network.

For introductions, handle them carefully. If you’re going to introduce your connection to someone you already know, you need to be sure the person you already know is open to connecting with new people.

The best way to find this out is to ask the person you already know if she would be open to meeting your connection.

Recommendations: These might be books or articles your connection can read or videos and speeches she should watch.

This is like advice, but recommendations are more tangible because you can share a link or a specific source outside your own knowledge.

What if you’re having a conversation with one of your networking connections and you can't think of anything to give?

If all else fails, you can give them something everyone has: your attention.

In TIN 003, I explained why this makes other people feel good.

When you are sitting in a conversation with another person and you feel like you have her complete and total attention, you feel good.

You feel heard. You feel connected to the other person. You like her. You want to build a relationship with her.

How giving helps

Giving helps you feel less awkward about networking because you aren’t asking your connection for anything. You won’t feel like you are taking advantage of him or her.

Most importantly, you won’t ever have to ask for anything.

After you have given something to the other person, Cialdini’s Principle of Reciprocity kicks in.

Your connection will ask, “How can I help you?”

This is the moment we have been preparing for.

This is your opportunity to grow your network or connect to a new opportunity.

Next week, I’ll show you how to make the most of this moment.

1. Robert Cialdini, Principles of Persuasion: Influence at Work, Reciprocity, https://www.influenceatwork.com/principles-of-persuasion/#reciprocity