TIN #003 - What To Say In A Networking Conversation

You're probably overthinking it. Keep it simple.

Hey 👋 - Greg here.

Happy Saturday morning to all the people re-connecting with people they lost touch with over the years.

Here's one tip on how to have an in-person networking conversation.

Today's issue takes about 3 minutes to read.

In TIN #002, I showed you how to re-connect with your dormant ties.

The goal was to start online conversations with people you already know, but have lost touch with over the years.

Now, it's time to get offline and have an in-person conversation with them.

Introverts have anxiety about this.

They think this needs to be a formal conversation with some type of agenda.

I remind them they’re talking to someone they already know.

They don't need to impress this person. They don't need to give an elevator pitch.

Instead, they need to have a conversation with a former colleague to catch up on what’s going on in their lives.

Even with this guidance, my students ask me, "What are we going to talk about?"

My answer is “If you don't know what to talk about, ask your connections about their favorite topic.”

The next question is: “How do I know their favorite topic?”

Everyone in the world has the same favorite topic.

It’s the topic they know the most about:

THEMSELVES.

That's not only my observation, it's a scientific fact.

From Scientific American:

"On average, people spend 60 percent of conversations talking about themselves—and this figure jumps to 80 percent when communicating via social media platforms such as Twitter or Facebook.

Why, in a world full of ideas to discover, develop, and discuss, do people spend the majority of their time talking about themselves? Recent research suggests a simple explanation: because it feels good."¹

Researchers from the Harvard University Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience Lab utilized functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to scan study participants' brain activity while they were talking about different topics.

What they found is certain areas of the brain "lit" up when participants talked about themselves. Surprisingly, the area associated with dopamine release, which drives our motivation, lit up the most when people talked about themselves to other people.

This is great news for introverts who are engaging in networking conversations. “Great” because it proves you don't have to do much talking.

When you have in-person conversations, your job is easy:

Ask the person about themselves, and then listen to what they say.

Ask them questions like:

• What have you been working on?

• What have you been struggling with?

• What or who do you wish you already knew?

When they answer, don't interrupt or zone out or look at your phone.

Listen to what they say.

Your connection will get a dopamine hit.

They’ll feel good talking about themselves.

They’ll feel good talking to you.

What do you get out of it?

Besides becoming someone’s favorite person to talk to, the answers to these questions are going to be the key to developing your deep professional relationship with your connection.

How to have a networking conversation:

If you've been following along with The Introverted Networker, you already have a list of dormant ties and have sent them a message on LinkedIn or via email to get back in touch.

Here's what to do next:

• When a dormant tie responds, set up that face-to-face or voice-to-voice conversation. Make this easy for the other person:

  • Take charge of setting up the meeting

  • Make your schedule work around your connection’s schedule

  • This doesn't have to be lunch or coffee. It can be a phone call

  • If the phone call gives you more flexibility to get the conversation scheduled, use it

• When you have the conversation, be the one who starts asking the questions about the other person. Remember, this ISN’T you saying something like, "What advice would you give me? How can you help me? Tell me what to do?

• The questions are about them:

  • “What's new with you in the past month?”

  • “What’s happened in your life since we last talked?”

  • “What are you working on right now?”

  • “What problems are you trying to solve at work?”

  • “What have you accomplished recently that you are proud of?”

• Ask the questions and SHUT UP.

• LISTEN to what the person says.

• As you listen, look for opportunities in what the other person says:

  • Make a mental note of what they could use help with.

  • Start thinking of ways you could help them based on the conversation.

  • Write these things down if you need to, but don't interrupt the other person. Let them talk.

If they turn the conversation around on you and ask what you have been doing, it's ok to tell them.

But, at this point in the conversation, you are still not going to ask them to do anything for you.

You can update them and let them know what you're working on, but you’re only giving them an update.

For now, this conversation is about your connection.

Focus on this as you’re having these in-person conversations with the dormant ties who have re-connected with you.

In the next issue, I’ll show you to make networking less awkward so that other people ask what they can do to help you.

1. Scientific American (July 2013) https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-neuroscience-of-everybody-favorite-topic-themselves/