Why You Keep Leaving Networking Events Empty-Handed
The best opportunities rarely come from the first conversation. They grow from the follow-up conversations that happen afterward.
Welcome to issue #199 of The Introverted Networker. Every Tuesday, I teach you to be a better networker. My favorite part of the week is hearing from my readers, so leave a comment or ask a question.
Why Networking Events Feel Like a Waste of Time
Last week, I was talking with Shaena Harrison (wing woman), a professional wing woman who helps people navigate networking events.
During our conversation, she said something simple:
“The event is where you plant the seed.”
That line stuck with me.
Because I think it’s the reason so many people leave networking events disappointed.
Not because the event was bad.
Not because networking doesn’t work.
Because they’re expecting the wrong outcome.
Most people walk into a networking event like they’re going to the grocery store.
They have a shopping list:
“I need a job.”
“I need a client.”
“I need a new opportunity.”
Then they spend two hours talking to people, leave empty-handed, and conclude the event was a waste of time.
But networking events aren’t grocery stores.
They’re gardens.
You don’t walk into a garden and expect to leave with tomatoes five minutes after planting the seeds.
You plant.
You water.
You wait.
The harvest comes later.
The problem is that most people are trying to harvest fruit from relationships they haven’t planted yet.
That’s why networking feels frustrating:
You’re measuring success by the wrong scorecard.
But, I’m going to show you a better measure of success!
This issue takes about 4 minutes to read…
Before we get started, I have a dilemma.
I’m doing more live videos, Q&As, and experiments that happen between newsletter issues.
I can either tell you about them when they’re happening, or wait and mention them in the next newsletter.
Can you let me know:
The Wrong Scorecard
After an event, people often ask:
Did I get a lead?
Did I make a sale?
Did I get a job interview?
Those things can happen.
But they usually aren’t the most important outcome of the event.
In fact, when you walk into a room focused on getting something, people can feel it.
You start pitching too early.
You force conversations.
You spend more time talking about yourself than learning about the other person.
Shaena and I talked about this during our conversation.
She called it the “pitch slap.”
You know the person.
The one who introduces themselves and immediately launches into their products, services, company, and accomplishments before you’ve even finished saying hello.
Most of us have experienced that person.
Most of us don’t enjoy talking to that person.
And yet, when we’re looking for a job, trying to grow a business, or feeling pressure to create opportunities, we sometimes become that person ourselves.
The Better Scorecard
What if you measured networking events differently?
Instead of asking:
“Did I get something?”
Ask:
Did I meet someone interesting?
Did I identify someone I’d like to know better?
Did I find one person worth following up with?
That’s a completely different standard.
And it’s one that puts the focus back where it belongs.
On the relationship.
The best networking opportunities in my career rarely came from the first conversation.
They came from the second.
Or the third.
Or the conversation six months later when someone remembered me and thought:
“Greg would be a good person to introduce here.”
The event wasn’t the opportunity.
The event was the beginning of the opportunity.
Think Like a Gardener
When gardeners plant seeds, they don’t dig them up every day to see if they’re growing.
They trust the process.
Networking works the same way.
You:
Meet someone
Learn about them
Stay in touch
Help when you can
Follow up
Continue the relationship
Then one day, often when you least expect it, something grows from that connection.
You get a:
Referral
Client
Job lead
Partnership
Friendship
But those things are the fruit.
And that first conversation was the seed.
One Small Change
The next time you attend a networking event, try this:
Leave your shopping list at home.
Don’t walk into the room thinking:
“What can I get?”
Walk into the room asking:
“Who can I get to know?”
Your goal is not to leave with a client.
Your goal is not to leave with a job.
Your goal is to leave with one or two people you’d genuinely like to talk to again.
That’s it.
Because networking events aren’t grocery stores.
They’re gardens.
And the people who get the most value from them aren’t focused on harvesting.
They’re focused on planting.
This Week
Think of the last person you met at a networking event.
Follow up with them and have a conversation with them.
Plant more seeds.
Then, leave me a comment and tell me the story:
Best Things I Found Online This Week:
Here’s the whole conversation with Shaena Harrison. Check out the part where we talk about “armpit sniffing” at a networking event (around 14:20 in the video).
I love this reframe of a garden vs a grocery store. Planting seeds and getting to know people is a much easier "ask" than "have I got a deal for you!" Thank you for this insight!
🌱 exactly! So cool you’re quoting me 😜 I feel famous!