TIN #132 - Why No One Taught You to Network (And How to Start)
Networking Secrets Nobody Shares 🎯
Most people don’t know how to network—not because they’re bad at it, but because no one ever actually teaches it.
Schools don’t offer a class on networking.
Career centers might host a workshop on résumés, but they rarely cover how to build professional relationships.
And most networking advice focuses on events—how to work a room, give a pitch, and follow up—rather than how to actually connect with people in a meaningful way.
Networking isn’t one single skill—it’s a collection of skills.
And if you’ve never been taught how to use them together, of course, you’re going to struggle.
But I’ve got a solution for you.
Read on.
This issue takes about 5 minutes to read…
Before We Get Started:
My online course, “5 Steps To Grow Your Professional Network,” is FREE for all my newsletter subscribers. Learn the process I use everyday to grow my professional network.
Each week, I post a new podcast with tips you’ll find in the weekly newsletter and bonus stories, wisdom, and motivation. The Introverted Networker podcast is like the weekly newsletter but with additional narration and thoughts from me. Be sure to listen to this week’s podcast and check out the previous episodes of the podcast on Spotify and Apple Podcasts for more networking tips and insights.
The video version of the podcast is available on my YouTube channel.
The Skills No One Told You That You Needed
When we talk about networking, we’re really talking about a set of abilities that work together:
Knowing who to connect with – You need to be able to assess whether someone is a good fit for your network. This takes judgment and intentionality.
Having conversations – This isn’t just small talk. It involves active listening, asking the right questions, and keeping a conversation going. Even if you’re not naturally chatty, you can develop this skill.
Understanding what you need – If you don’t know what kind of help would be valuable to you, how can anyone else? Getting clear on your goals makes it easier for others to support you.
Following up and deepening relationships – Networking isn’t just meeting someone once; it’s about staying in touch and finding ways to provide value to each other over time.
The challenge?
Most people assume you already have these skills, or that you’ll just figure them out along the way.
But in reality, even people who seem like great networkers don’t always put these skills together effectively.
The Wrong Advice (and Why It Doesn’t Work)
Traditional networking advice tends to focus on logistics:
How to find a networking event
What to do when you walk in
How to give a great pitch
How to exit a conversation smoothly
How to follow up afterward
That’s fine if you’re just trying to survive an event.
But networking isn’t about events—it’s about relationships.
Most advice skips over the most important part: listening.
When was the last time you read a networking article that focused on listening rather than talking?
Probably never.
Actually, if you read last week’s issue of this newsletter, TIN #131 - Want Better Networking Results? Stop Talking and Start Listening, then you are way ahead of the game.
If you’re not listening, you’re missing the opportunity to actually connect.
No One Ever Taught You This—And That’s Okay
If you feel like you’ve never learned how to network, you’re not alone.
Most people don’t know where to start because no one has ever laid it out for them.
I used to think networking meant going to an event and magically getting a job.
No one explained what was supposed to happen in between. It was like:
Go to an event.
???
Land a new opportunity.
That missing step—the actual process of building and maintaining relationships—is what makes networking work.
And yet, it’s rarely taught.
The Good News: You Can Learn This
Networking is a skill set, not an innate talent.
If you’ve never learned it, there’s no reason to feel bad about that.
You’re not behind—you just haven’t been given the tools yet.
And the best part?
When you start networking in the right way, you won’t just be asking people for help.
You’ll be creating opportunities for yourself and helping others along the way.
So, where do you start?
Try some of the strategies I share in this newsletter each week.
Whatever you do, don’t say, “I never learned how to network, so I can’t do it.”
That’s no longer an excuse.
The information is here.
You just have to take the first step.
Your Challenge This Week
Go out and connect with one new person—or reconnect with someone you’ve lost touch with.
Try it, see how it feels, and let me know how it goes.
And remember: Always Be Connecting.
Before You Go…
This week, I had a couple of great conversations online.
These are people I had connected with online and now we’ve had real life conversations.
On Tuesday, I had a video call with Shelley Piedmont from MyCareerGPS. She “Gets Your Career From Stuck to Thriving.” We’ve been commenting on each other’s posts for years now and it was good to connect in person and share idea.
Then on Wednesday, I had a video call with Therese Miclot who makes “leadership practical, powerful, and instantly useful.” We connected because we work with the same coaching group. We’re exchanging books and expect to see more about what Therese can teach us about being better networkers through facilitation skills.
I share this because all of the advice I give in these newsletters is stuff I do regularly and it’s helped open up so many opportunities for me.
That’s what I want for you!