TIN #131 - Want Better Networking Results? Stop Talking and Start Listening
Why Listening is Your Networking Superpower
Networking works best when it’s built on trust.
When two people trust each other, great things happen.
But when trust is missing, networking feels transactional, awkward, and impersonal—exactly what most people hate about it.
So how do we build trust in networking conversations?
One of the most effective ways is also one of the most overlooked: listening first.
This issue takes about 4 minutes to read…
Before We Get Started:
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Each week, I post a new podcast with tips you’ll find in the weekly newsletter and bonus stories, wisdom, and motivation. The Introverted Networker podcast is like the weekly newsletter but with additional narration and thoughts from me. Be sure to listen to this week’s podcast and check out the previous episodes of the podcast on Spotify and Apple Podcasts for more networking tips and insights.
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Why Listening First Builds Trust
I've been reading The Speed of Trust by Stephen M.R. Covey, and one of the key takeaways is that when trust is high, speed is high, and costs are low.
In business, teams that trust each other move faster and get more done with fewer problems.
In networking, the same principle applies: the faster you build trust, the more meaningful and beneficial your relationships become.
Covey outlines 13 behaviors that inspire trust, and one stands out as the most crucial—yet least practiced:
Listen first, speak last.
When you truly listen to someone, you make a deposit in their “trust account.”
It shows them you value what they have to say, making them more likely to trust you in return.
And here’s the kicker—research shows listening first is the least practiced trust-building behavior.
That means if you focus on listening, you’ll immediately stand out from most people.
How to Apply This in Networking
When networking, it’s tempting to jump in and talk about what you need.
But trust isn’t built by leading with your requests—it’s built by showing interest in the other person first.
Try this approach:
1️⃣ Start with curiosity. Ask open-ended questions about the other person—what they’re working on, what challenges they’re facing, or what’s exciting in their world.
2️⃣ Let them talk. Resist the urge to jump in with your own experiences or advice right away.
3️⃣ Keep probing. Follow up with questions that show you’re engaged: “That sounds interesting—how did you get involved in that?”
4️⃣ Hold back your pitch. Once they feel heard, they’ll be much more receptive to hearing about your needs.
Listening first doesn’t mean you don’t speak—it means you guide the conversation by giving the other person space to share first.
Why This Works (Especially for Introverts)
If you’re introverted, this approach probably feels more natural than trying to be the center of attention.
Many introverts dislike networking because they assume they have to be outgoing or dominate the conversation.
But the reality is, networking is much more about listening than talking.
By focusing on listening and giving—rather than selling yourself—you build trust more effectively.
And when trust is present, networking becomes easier, more enjoyable, and more valuable.
Your Challenge This Week
For your next networking conversation (whether it’s with a colleague, a new connection, or someone you’ve known for years), try this:
Listen first. Ask about their work, their challenges, their goals.
Speak last. Hold off on talking about yourself until they’ve had space to share.
See what happens. Notice how the conversation feels different when trust is built naturally.
I’d love to hear how this works for you—reply to this email or message me on LinkedIn and let me know!
Keep listening, keep connecting, and keep growing.