TIN #038 - What Jiu Jitsu Taught Me About Networking
Three lessons from BJJ that help me be a better networker
Good Morning 👋 - Greg here.
Networking can be daunting, especially when you're new to it.
It can feel like you're throwing yourself into the deep end without knowing how to swim.
Sometimes our brains get in the way.
They keep us from taking action.
Our mindset becomes the obstacle.
There’s a way to get past these obstacles.
This issue takes about 4 minutes to read.
Before you read this issue, check out my new chatbot!
Last week, I shared the link to my new chatbot and then I broke the link (Gah!)
Here’s the corrected link: NtrvrtdNtwrkr Chat Bot
I trained it using my book and the previous issues of this newsletter. It can only answer questions about networking, but give it a shot and let me know what you think!
Analogies
Humans use analogies to explain complex or abstract concepts in terms that are easier to understand.
Analogies provide a way to make connections between different ideas, by highlighting similarities or patterns.
By thinking about a complex problem in a simpler context, we can better understand it and come up with effective solutions.
When it comes to networking, there are several analogies you can use to make it less intimidating.
I’ve been posting different analogies on LinkedIn all week.
One analogy I use is networking is like gardening.
Gardening takes time, patience, and care to realize the fruits of your labor.
If I say networking is like gardening, you realize these things - time, patience, and care - are also required to grow your network.
This frame of reference helps you stay calm when you aren’t getting instant results from your networking.
Lately, I’ve been thinking of a new analogy for networking.
Jiu Jitsu
This one is personal for me.
I’ve been training Jiu Jitus for more than three years.
If you're not familiar with Jiu Jitsu, it's a martial art that involves grappling and submission holds.
It's a physically and mentally challenging sport, and it takes years of practice to master.
But there are several principles from Jiu Jitsu that can be applied to networking.
You’re Going To Suck
The first principle is when you start Jiu Jitsu, you're not going to be very good at it.
In fact, you're going to be bad.
Really bad.
But that's okay.
It takes practice to get better.
You have to allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them.
It’s the same with networking.
When you start out, you’ll be bad at it.
You won’t know who to connect with.
You won’t know what to say in your LinkedIn messages.
You won’t know what to say during in-person conversations.
Just like in Jiu Jitsu, it’s okay to be bad at it when you start.
I remember how bad I was the first day I showed up for training.
I remember how bad I was at networking when I started connecting with people after I got laid off in 2012.
But being bad at it was okay because, from where I started, I could only get better.
The key to getting better is to make it easy at the beginning.
That’s why I tell people who are at the beginning of their networking journey to start with who they already know.
See TIN #001 - How To Network If You Don’t Know Anyone for more suggestions.
Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
The second principle is that Jiu Jitsu will be uncomfortable.
You're constantly put in positions where your opponent is sitting or lying on top of you with all of their weight smashing down on your chest. It can be physically and mentally challenging.
But the key is to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
You have to learn how to stay calm and work through the discomfort to find a way out of the situation.
This principle is particularly relevant to networking because it can be uncomfortable to talk to people and to put yourself out there.
It's natural to feel nervous or awkward when networking, but we can't let those feelings hold us back.
Instead, we need to embrace the discomfort and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
One way to make networking feel less uncomfortable is to focus on what you can give to other people.
TIN #004 - How To Make Networking Feel Good explains some great ways to do this and why it makes networking feel better.
There’s One Way To Get Better
The third principle is that in Jiu Jitsu, the only way to get better is to show up and practice.
There's no shortcut or magic formula.
You have to put in the work if you want to see results.
When we have someone show up to training for the first time, I tell them,
“The secret to getting better is to show up. That’s it. Come to training and you’ll get better.”
The same is true for networking.
You can read all the books on the subject and take all the courses, but if you're not actually putting yourself out there and practicing, you're not going to get better.
I wrote a book on networking and I made it short (100 pages) for a reason. I’d rather you spend time networking than reading more pages.
The only way to improve your networking skills is to show up and do the work.
We can't expect to become networking experts overnight. It takes time, effort, and practice to build strong relationships and develop effective networking skills.
Building a networking habit, as described in TIN #007 - How To Create A Networking Habit, is a good way to make sure you keep showing up and getting better.
Summary
You’re going to be bad at networking at first. Embrace it. You’ll only get better.
You’re going to be uncomfortable with networking. Getting comfortable with this is a sign of growth.
You’re going to need to show up to see results. There is no secret formula. You have to put in the work.
Using analogies like Jiu Jitsu, or gardening, or fishing can be a powerful tool for improving your networking mindset.
By reframing networking in a simpler context, you can better understand it and develop effective strategies for success.