TIN #029 - How To Play Networking Mind Games
These mental shortcuts will help you get better at networking
Good Morning 👋 - Greg here.
Happy Saturday to everyone who’s having in-person networking conversations this week.
Last week, I talked about networking mindsets.
This week, I’m talking about cognitive biases.
And how you can use them to be a better networker.
This issue takes less than 4 and 1/2 minutes to read.
Our Brains Work Hard
Some estimates suggest the average person makes about 35,000 decisions each day!
These decisions can range from small choices, such as what to eat for breakfast, to more significant decisions, such as choosing a career or buying a house.
It's important to note that many of these decisions are not made consciously. For example, we may make decisions based on habit, or based on our instincts and intuition.
We make many of these automatic decisions using heuristics.
Heuristics are mental shortcuts that allow us to make quick judgment calls based on generalizations, or rules of thumb.
According to the Decision Lab:
“Heuristics in general occur because they are efficient ways of responding when we are faced with problems or decisions. They come about automatically, allowing us to allocate our mental energy elsewhere…In that way, heuristics are efficient, which is a big reason why we continue to use them.
A common example of a heuristic is Confirmation Bias.
Confirmation bias is a heuristic that refers to our tendency to seek out information supporting our existing beliefs.
This can lead us to dismiss information that contradicts our beliefs, even when that information is credible and well-supported.
Imagine you have a strong belief a certain political party is the best choice for the country.
When you encounter information supporting your view, you’re likely to accept it without question.
However, if you come across information contradicting your view, you might dismiss it as being inaccurate or biased.
What do heuristics have to do with networking?
Being aware of them helps you understand yourself and other people.
Yes, you can use this information to nudge people toward certain actions.
I’m not trying to manipulate anyone by using these heuristics against them.
Instead, I’m use them to explain why why my approach to networking works.
Knowing why people do the things they do will help you be a more confident networker.
Availability Bias
Availability bias "is a mental shortcut that relies on immediate examples that come to a given person's mind when evaluating a specific topic, concept, method or decision."1
In networking, you can leverage this bias through your Target Company List (if you need help remembering what this is or how to create it, look at TIN #005 and TIN #006)
The Target Company List will cue your connection to flip through her mental Rolodex and think of people with whom she can connect you. You’re creating availability bias in your connection’s brain with your list.
Your list focuses your connection on a specific set of people - people at your target companies. The list makes it easier for her to recall the names of people she knows.
Even if she doesn’t know someone at the companies on your list, it helps her think of other companies where she may know someone.
Always be sure you have a Target Company List ready to go. Your connections' availability bias will use it to come up with people they can introduce you to.
Spotlight Effect
“The spotlight effect describes how people believe others are paying more attention to them than they actually are. In other words, our tendency to always feel like we are “in the spotlight.”
The spotlight effect causes us to have an exaggerated view of our own significance to the people around us. This leads us to misjudge situations and make decisions based on our inflated feelings of visibility.”
This bias is what stops you from networking.
You think, “I don’t want to send this email. What if the other person gets annoyed?”
Or, “I don’t want to set up a call with this person. What if I don’t know what to talk about.”
In most cases, you're worrying for nothing.
When you send emails or have conversations with connections, the spotlight effect has them worrying about themselves. They're not thinking about you.
When people are stuck feeling other people will judge them as they're networking, I tell them to put themselves in the other person's shoes.
When a former colleague reaches out to you to ask how you have been, are you annoyed or happy they re-connected?
You’re usually happy they got back in touch.
When someone you have lost touch with re-connects with you, are you worried about what to say?
The answer is "NO!"
And that’s how people react when you're re-connecting, as well.
Stop worrying about other people think of you and put the spotlight on them.
Reciprocity
This is not a true bias, but a tendency to help us in networking.
The Principle of Reciprocity is the first of six principles discussed in Robert Cialdini's book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion.2
Cialdini summarizes this principle by saying:
"Simply put, people are obliged to give back to others the form of a behavior, gift, or service that they have received first."
He explains experiments in restaurants where some customers were given a small gift—a fortune cookie or a mint—with their bill.
Those who received the gift gave higher tips than those who were not given the gift.
Cialdini explains,
“The key to using the Principle of Reciprocity is to be the first to give and to ensure that what you give is personalized and unexpected."
If you lead by giving to your network, people will want to reciprocate and give back to you.
You don't even have to ask for help. People will ask you what they can do to help you.
The next question is: "What do I have to give?"
The ideas you have are what you can give when you’re in a conversation with one of your connections.
When you sit down in a face-to-face or voice-to-voice conversation with a connection, listen to what is going on in their lives.
Think about what you can give to them. Make it personalized to their situation.
It could be an idea you had, or a book recommendation, or a connection you can introduce them to. It doesn’t have to be a big thing.
Remember, the fortune cookies and mints!
As you give to them, they'll reciprocate and ask how they can help you. This is when you ask them to introduce you to someone new.
They'll be happy to make this connection, and this is how your network grows.
Let me restate: We're not trying to manipulate people with these cognitive biases.
We're learning about them to make our networking interactions more effective so our networks continues to grow.
Focus on these mental shortcuts this week and see if they help you be a better networker.
Wikipedia, Availability heuristic, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Availability_heu
Robert Cialdini, Principles of Persuasion: Influence at Work, Reciprocity, https://www.influenceatwork.com/principles-of-persuasion/#reciprocity
Great words of wisdom. I will definitely try these techniques. 🎊