Why My Worst Networking Experience Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
How a Shotgun Networking Event in Colorado Changed the Way I Network Forever
Welcome to issue #155 of The Introverted Networker. Each week, I share my best networking advice to change the way you feel about networking. If you like this issue, share it with a friend.
This issue takes about 5 minutes to read…
I’m standing in the middle of a shotgun range in Eastern Colorado.
Photo by Jake Forsher on Unsplash
I don’t know a single person here.
I’ve just been laid off, and someone handed me a 12-gauge and said, “just have fun with it.”
It’s late October in 2012. A vendor I worked with invited me to a Sporting Clays networking event.
Basically golf, but with shotguns.
I’d never done it before.
I wasn’t good at it.
As bad as I am at shooting, I found breaking the clay pigeons was easier than breaking the ice with the other participants.
But, I said yes because I needed a job and everyone said, “You’ve got to get out and network.”
So, here I am, three hours of pretending I belong.
Making awkward small talk with people I don’t know.
Trying to figure out what to say about why I am suddenly unemployed.
And not one part of it feels natural.
After the event, I sat in the car staring at the steering wheel thinking, “There has got to be a better way to network.”
That moment changed everything.
I decided I wasn’t going to force myself into rooms I didn’t want to be in.
Doing things that felt fake with people I couldn’t connect with.
I started building a networking process that worked for me.
On my schedule, in my space, with my style.
No awkward events. No pretending.
That process helped me land my next job, and the next, and the next.
People started asking me for advice.
They’d say, “You seem so well connected, but you don’t go to networking events. How do you do that?”
I started teaching them how by:
Writing a book called The Fast and Easy Guide To Networking For Introverts.
Starting this weekly newsletter, including a podcast and a YouTube channel.
Creating my 5 Steps To Grow Your Professional Network course, my 15 Minute Networking Guide, and my Personalized 5-Step Networking Plan to help people.
I’ve coached hundreds of people, especially introverts, to build strong real relationships without being something they are not.
All of it started in the moment on the sporting clay range feeling completely out of place and thinking to myself, “There has got to be a better way.”
What If Networking Isn’t What You Think It Is?
There’s a reason so many people avoid networking.
It’s not because they’re lazy.
It’s because of the picture in their head.
Think about it.
When you hear the word “networking,” what do you see?
A crowded room?
Circles of strangers already deep in conversation?
Name tags. High-top tables. Lukewarm white wine.
A pressure to pitch yourself before the cheese cubes disappear?
That image alone is enough to keep most people from trying.
It’s what kept me from trying for years until that moment on the shotgun range changed everything.
Networking doesn’t have to be a performance
Here’s what most people won’t tell you:
Networking isn’t about going to the event.
It’s about having the conversation.
One-on-one. Voice to voice.
With someone you already know.
Or someone a trusted contact introduces you to.
You’re not trying to impress them.
You’re just talking. Listening. Asking questions.
You’re offering help and being open to receiving it.
That’s it.
No:
Awkward circle-breaking
Fake laughs
Pretending you love golf
And once I let go of the image in my head—the one with the country club and the small talk and the business cards I never followed up on—I started to connect with people on my own terms.
The image in your head is powerful
We do this with all kinds of things:
Working out
Public speaking
Dating
If we picture it going badly, we avoid it.
But if we reframe it as something smaller, easier, more human, we’re more likely to start.
Networking is no different.
What if, instead of imagining a loud, crowded room…
You imagined two people sitting across from each other with a cup of coffee?
What if you imagined yourself walking around the block on the phone with an old coworker?
What if you saw it as 15 minutes of catching up and nothing more?
Would thinking about it like that make it easier to get started?
Try it this week
Here’s my challenge for you:
Change the image in your head. Then take one small action.
Reach out to someone you already know.
Ask how they’re doing.
Schedule a 15- or 30-minute conversation.
Be curious about what they’re working on.
And share what you’re up to, too.
That’s it. That’s networking.
Not the crowded room. Not the awkward event.
Just one human conversation at a time.
And if you do that, something else will happen too:
You’ll start to build your network.
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Best Things I Found Online This Week:
Jenny Wood reframes networking into “learnworking” where you connect with people to learn from them. How would this change your feelings about networking?
Bob Burg shares 10 Feel Good Questions you can ask in your next networking conversation.