What It Looks Like When You Network on Your Own Terms
How I stopped letting networking run my schedule
Welcome to issue #183 of The Introverted Networker. Every Tuesday, I teach you to be a better networker. My favorite part of the week is hearing from my readers, so leave a comment or ask a question, if you are so inclined.
A lot of people tell me they know they should be networking.
They just don’t want to do it.
Not because they don’t see the value.
Not because they’re lazy.
But because networking often feels like something that happens to them.
It shows up on their calendar at a fixed time.
It comes with rules they didn’t choose.
It asks for energy they may not have that day.
When that’s what networking looks like, it’s easy to avoid it.
Or to put it off until “things calm down.”
This past week reminded me why that reaction makes so much sense.
This issue takes about 4 minutes to read…
The version of networking you don’t control
One of my networking conversations this week was a virtual networking event.
It was fine.
I met a few new people.
The host was thoughtful and organized.
The intention was good.
But it happened at a set time.
If I’d had a conflict, I would have missed it.
And if you miss an event, the opportunity is gone.
Halfway through, the host decided to move everyone into smaller breakout rooms to talk about what we were working on.
Again, not a criticism.
It was their event.
They get to choose the format.
But it wasn’t how I prefer to have voice-to-voice conversations.
And I didn’t have a say in it.
When you attend an event, you agree to whatever structure comes with it.
That’s the part most people feel, even if they don’t articulate it.
Networking feels like something you have to fit yourself into.
The version I choose
The other two networking conversations this week looked very different.
Both were one-to-one coffees.
One was with someone I met through LinkedIn.
He lives in the Phoenix area, and since I’m spending part of the winter here, I reached out and suggested we meet in person.
We picked a time that worked for both of us.
We chose coffee.
We sat and talked.
We exchanged ideas about what we’re working on.
I walked away with a few great recommendations of things to do around Phoenix.
No pressure.
No agenda.
No performance.
The second coffee was with a former coworker who also lives in the area.
We had a time set.
Then I had a conflict.
So we’re rescheduling.
That wasn’t a failure.
It wasn’t a missed opportunity.
It was just life.
The relationship didn’t disappear because a calendar changed.
We’ll find another time and re-connect.
The power is in the ability to control the schedule when things don’t go as planned.
This is the difference that matters
Event-based networking is rigid.
If your schedule changes, you lose the moment.
If your energy is low, you either force it or skip it.
If the format doesn’t work for you, you adapt or opt out.
One-to-one networking is flexible.
You can reschedule.
You can change formats.
You can meet in ways that actually suit you.
Momentum doesn’t depend on a single date or a single room.
That’s why it feels different in your body.
And that’s why people are more likely to actually do it.
Talking about it and living it
This same week, I talked about The Connection Loop twice.
Once with a group of executives in career transition.
Once as a guest on a podcast.
In both conversations, I talked about how The Connection Loop lets you network on your schedule, in your space, in your style.
What stood out to me was that I wasn’t describing something abstract.
It was exactly how I was networking that week.
Not intense.
Not heroic.
Just intentional.
This isn’t about being “good” at networking
You don’t need to be outgoing.
You don’t need confidence first.
You don’t need to like networking events.
But you do need control.
When networking feels like something being done to you, it drains you.
When it feels like something you’re choosing, it’s sustainable.
That’s why the Connection Loop works for introverts and extroverts alike.
It’s not about personality.
It’s about agency.
A simple place to start
Look at the next two weeks.
Find one open window.
Think of one person you already know.
Suggest a format that feels easy for you.
Coffee.
A walk.
A short call.
You don’t have to network the way everyone else does.
But you do have to take one step.
And it works best when it fits your life.
Your Turn
How does this feel to you? Is this an approach to networking that feels more natural, less forced, less awkward?
If so leave me a comment and tell me what you think?
If not, leave me a comment and tell me why?
Best Things I Found Online This Week:
Loved this quote from Bob Burg this week about listening: “Remember, nobody ever hangs up the phone on you...while THEY are talking.”
Check out my guest appearance on Kwame Christian’s Negotiate Anything podcast
Your article on LinkedIn brought me here and I’m glad I can discover your thoughts on this. It’s a topic that gets more and more relevant these days.
Don't forget to share your thoughts on this issue in the comments.