The Simple 3-Part Message That Makes Networking Easier
Use one greeting, one quick update, and one thoughtful question to restart conversations with former coworkers, classmates, clients, and other dormant ties.
I teach people how to network.
And my Networking Type is:
The Tongue-Tied Starter.
That might sound strange.
You might assume that someone who talks about networking every day always knows exactly what to say.
I don’t.
There are still times when I want to reach out to someone and immediately start overthinking the message.
Is this too random?
Does this sound awkward?
What if they don’t respond?
I can spend more time rewriting a two-sentence message than it would take to send it.
That’s the Tongue-Tied Starter obstacle.
And this issue gives you the 3-part message to overcome it!
It takes about 5 minutes to read…
(BTW - If you want to find out your Networking Type, I created a FREE quiz to help you out!)
This is issue #205 of The Introverted Networker.
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What Is a Tongue-Tied Starter?
Tongue-Tied Starters want to connect.
They just worry about saying the wrong thing.
They may rewrite the opening several times. They try to predict how the other person will interpret every word. Sometimes, they wait so long that they never send the message at all.
The problem isn’t that they have nothing to say.
It’s that they put too much pressure on themselves to say it perfectly.
You may not be a Tongue-Tied Starter, but you might still recognize this part of yourself.
That’s true of all five Networking Types. Most of us can see pieces of ourselves in more than one.
The Strength Behind the Struggle
Tongue-Tied Starters overthink because they care.
They want to be thoughtful.
They want to be respectful of the other person’s time.
They don’t want their message to feel awkward, random, or transactional.
That thoughtfulness is their networking superpower.
But thoughtfulness can turn into hesitation when you believe every message needs to be perfect.
It doesn’t.
Most people aren’t examining your message as closely as you are.
They probably aren’t judging your word choice.
They aren’t grading your opening line.
They are much more likely to appreciate that you thought of them and started the conversation.
Stop Trying to Sound Interesting
When I first started networking, I spent too much time trying to figure out how to make myself sound interesting.
What could I say that would make someone want to talk to me?
How could I explain what I was doing?
How could I get the response I wanted?
The message became easier when I stopped thinking so much about what I wanted to tell them and started thinking about what I wanted to learn about them.
The easiest way to stop overthinking what to say is to stop making the message about you.
You don’t need to convince someone that you are interesting.
People remember how interested you were far more than how interesting you tried to sound.
Where This Fits in The Connection Loop™
The Connection Loop™ starts with people you already know.
Instead of trying to build your network by immediately reaching out to strangers, start by reconnecting with dormant ties.
These conversations are easier because the relationship already exists.
Your message doesn’t need to accomplish everything.
Its only job is to restart the conversation.
That conversation gives you a chance to learn what has changed in the other person’s world, discover how you might help them, and eventually meet people they know.
That’s how one old relationship can lead to a new connection.
The Simple Message Formula
You only need three things:
A greeting.
One quick update.
One good question.
The question is the most important part.
“How are you?” is easy to ask, but it’s also easy to ignore.
Ask something that gives the other person a real opportunity to talk about their life.
For example:
What’s the most exciting thing you’ve worked on recently?
What are you most looking forward to over the next month?
What’s something that has surprised you lately?
Is there a cool project you’re working on that most people don’t know about?
What’s the best part of your life right now?
You don’t need to ask a deep, personal question.
You just need to ask something more interesting than “How’s it going?”
Three Messages You Can Use
Casual
Hey, you crossed my mind the other day, and I realized it’s been a while since we talked. I’ve been keeping busy with a few new projects. What’s the most exciting thing you’ve been working on lately?
Professional
Hi, you crossed my mind the other day, and I was thinking about the time we worked together. A lot has changed since then, and I’d really enjoy hearing what’s new in your world. What are you most looking forward to over the next few months?
Direct
Hi, it’s been a few years since we’ve talked, and I’d like to change that. I’ve been reconnecting with people I’ve enjoyed working with in the past. Is there a project you’re working on right now that you’re especially excited about?
You can change the wording to sound like you.
The template isn’t the point.
Starting the conversation is.
Your First Step
Choose one person you used to know well but haven’t spoken to in a while.
Send them a message using the formula:
Greeting + quick update + better question.
Don’t spend 30 minutes rewriting it.
Don’t try to predict exactly how they will respond.
Send a thoughtful message that gives them an opportunity to tell you about themselves.
You don’t need the perfect message.
You need a message that opens the door.
What’s Your Networking Type?
The Tongue-Tied Starter is one of five Networking Types.
You might recognize yourself in this issue.
You might also discover that a different obstacle is the bigger reason networking feels hard for you.
The What’s Your Networking Type? quiz has eight questions and takes about two minutes.
You’ll discover the specific part of networking that is getting in your way, and the first step that fits you:
Best Things I Found Online This Week:
Bob Burg shared how to build your massive high quality network in his Daily Impact newsletter.
Jenn Minieri created this inspirational coloring book, to provide some relief for people navigating a job search or career transition.