The Networking Trap No One Warns You About
How Introverts Can Handle One-Sided Networking Without Burning Out
Welcome to issue #156 of The Introverted Networker. Each week, I share my best networking advice to change the way you feel about networking. If you like this issue, share it with a friend.
This issue takes about 5 minutes to read…
Networking can be a double-edged sword.
It has the potential to transform your career and open doors to incredible opportunities.
But, it can leave you feeling drained and taken advantage of, especially when it seems like you're giving far more than you're receiving.
If you've ever felt this way, you're not alone.
In this issue, we’ll explore actionable strategies to deal with these challenges and turn networking into a mutually beneficial experience you’ll actually enjoy.
Why Networking Feels Difficult (and How to Change That)
Many people hesitate to network because of bad past experiences.
This negativity stems from poor networking practices.
These include one-sided interactions where people only reach out when they need something or fail to reciprocate your efforts.
The truth is, networking doesn’t have to be awkward or draining.
When done right, it can make you feel good, help others, and fuel your professional growth.
The key lies in adopting a mindset and approach that encourages reciprocity and clarity in your connections.
The Principle of Reciprocity: A Core Human Value
At the heart of effective networking is the principle of reciprocity.
We are naturally wired for reciprocity.
Historically, human societies thrived because members helped one another and returned favors.
This instinct is still embedded in us today.
However, reciprocity doesn’t happen automatically.
You have to allow people to reciprocate.
Here’s how…
Feel Like You're Giving Without Receiving? Here's What to Do
If you feel like you’re giving to others without getting anything in return, it’s time to reassess your approach.
Here’s a simple but powerful shift:
Make it easy for others to help you.
This is the fourth step in 5 Steps To Grow Your Professional Network, my FREE course to help you become a more confident networker.
People need to know how they can help you.
If you’re vague or dismissive when someone asks how they can return a favor, saying things like, “Oh, it’s no big deal,” you’re unintentionally shutting the door on potential support.
Here’s how you can implement it:
Be clear about what you need: Identify one specific way someone can help you, whether it’s an introduction, a recommendation, or sharing your content.
Make your request simple: I often asks people to share my newsletter with one person or refer someone to me if they know someone struggling with networking.
Communicate directly: Don’t shy away from letting others know how they can support you. Being honest and straightforward makes it easier for them to take action.
By being explicit about your needs, you increase the likelihood of receiving meaningful help and reduce feelings of frustration.
I go into a lot more details about being easy to help in this week’s podcast and YouTube video newsletter.
How to Handle "Transactional" Connections
Another common frustration occurs when people only reach out to you when they need something, such as a job referral.
These interactions can feel shallow and can sour your attitude toward networking.
Here’s my advice for handling this:
Option 1: Help them fully. While this may leave you feeling resentful, it’s one way to handle the situation.
Option 2: Politely decline. You could let them know that you’re not in a position to help but would be open to reestablishing a connection. You may feel good about this in the moment, but you aren’t keeping the door open for future interactions.
Option 3: Offer a Minimum Viable Favor (MVF). Provide a small, easy way to help them without overextending yourself. For instance, I often asks job seekers to create a Target Company List (TCL) before I consider making introductions.
The MVF approach is particularly effective because it filters out those who aren’t willing to put in the effort.
The TCL is one of my favorite pieces of job search advice. It’s in TIN #006 - Don't Give People Your Resume (Do This Instead)
I send the link to this issue of my newsletter to anyone who asks me for job search help.
When I tell people to create the TCL, nine out of ten people never send me their list.
If those people aren’t willing to make the effort, I don’t need to invest any more effort in connecting them with my network.
Did I help the person who reaches out to me and asks for help?
Absolutely!
I gave them some of my best advice.
If they send me their TCL, I’ll see who I can connect them with.
But I don’t feel bad if they don’t send it to me because I already helped them.
I did my part in the relationship.
Figure out what your MVF can be when your network reaches out to you.
If you don’t have one, I have a suggestion for you: Send them to my friend Vaclav’s newsletter called, 'Get Your Dream Job'. He shares weekly practical advice and expert tips on everything from job searching and resume writing to interview techniques, salary negotiations, and career growth. Whether you're a recent graduate just starting out or an experienced professional ready for a change, Vaclav’s insights can help you stay ahead in the job market. Definitely worth subscribing! Subscribe here: https://ck.getyourdreamjob.co/nl.
Or, if you need a different one, use mine. Send them issue #006 of my newsletter about how to create a TCL.
Take Control of Your Networking Experience
You can’t control how others behave, but you can control how you respond.
By adopting strategies like being clear about your needs and offering minimum viable favors, you can transform your networking experience from frustrating to fulfilling.
Remember, networking is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice and refinement.
Approach it with the mindset of building genuine, mutually beneficial relationships, and you’ll start to see the rewards.
If you need more help, I have a Your Personalized 5-Step Networking Plan. It’s a comprehensive toolkit that combines years of content from my book, this newsletter, my course, and all my LinkedIn posts with user-friendly resources.
Final Thoughts
Networking doesn’t have to feel like a drain.
By implementing these tips, you can create connections that are meaningful, productive, and enjoyable for both parties.
So, the next time you feel taken advantage of or unsure about how to proceed, remember these strategies and take back control of your networking journey.
What’s one small change you can make to improve your networking today?
Let me know in the comments or share your success stories.
Best Things I Found Online This Week:
As I said above, I highly recommend Vaclav’s newsletter, 'Get Your Dream Job'. Whether you're a recent graduate just starting out or an experienced professional ready for a change, Vaclav’s insights can help you stay ahead in the job market.
I always love finding better questions to ask in a networking conversation and this week Austin Belcak provides 7 Questions To Ask When Networking (To Turn Strangers Into Referrals)
Enjoyed being on the Command Your Brand podcast talking about elevating your career by networking at work.
Will try your techniques…👍